FRONT FELL OFF

NO ROOM AT THE INN

THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

SURFING RODENTS

(Radical Rodents 2)

SANTA'S HASTE

CIGARS

SANTA'S GOT PROBLEMS!

THE UPWISING

PROFOUND CHRISTMAS ANIMATION

Click on the Rock OK?

OR - left click on snowman, then left-click again as the penguin is descending to see how far you can hit him. (Something wrong with this idea :-(

http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

CHRISTMAS WITH MR. BEAN

WIN A FREE TRIP TO CHINA

Win 2 free tickets to China

2 TICKETS - ALL EXPENSES PAID INCLUDING AIR FARES - TO THE 2008 OLYMPIC GAMES IN BEIJING, CHINA!

To participate is very easy, just view the photo, correctly answer the following questions and send your answers to:

International Olympic Committee, Private Bag, Lausanne, Switzerland.

1. Which student seems to appear tired/sleepy?
2. Which ones are male twins?
3. Which ones are the female twins?
4. How many women are in the group?
5. Which one is the teacher?

Good Luck!

I guess you're not going either.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THIS TIRED?

AMAZING HUG

THE WOMAN IN THE VIDEO FOUND THIS LION INJURED IN THE FOREST READY TO DIE.
SHE TOOK THE LION WITH HER AND NURSED IT BACK TO HEALTH. WHEN THE
LION WAS BETTER SHE MADE ARRANGEMENTS WITH A ZOO TO TAKE THE LION AND GIVE
IT A NEW AND HAPPY HOME.

THIS VIDEO WAS TAKEN WHEN THE WOMAN AFTER SOME TIME WENT TO GO VISIT THE
LION TO SEE HOW HE WAS DOING.

WATCH THE LION'S REACTION WHEN HE SEES HER. AMAZING!!!!!

DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 1200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US government class.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question, then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware "

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house had been burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman."

CLYDE CRASHCUP & HIS SIDEKICK LEONARDO

4 STAGES OF LIFE

ANOTHER AMAZING JUGGLER

DAYLIGHT SAVING

COMPUTERS ANYWHERE

COMEBACK

A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line...

Visit http://jmm.aaa.net.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)

INCREDIBLE DANCING COCKATOO

FUNNY CAT VIDEO

GODTUBE'S FAMOUS LITTLE GIRL

WHY I WAS FIRED...

For the last departmental picnic, management decided that due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups... ... (see below)

ETHAN THE 6-YEAR-OLD PIANIST!

BLONDE AND CHIMPS

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World.'

Much more humor here...

BLONDE MORTICIAN

“ A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. The widow feels that her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants.

"I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe, that fits perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?"

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician replies, "There's no charge."

"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says.

"Honestly, ma'am," the blonde says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice."

"So I just switched the heads."

THE BAPTIST WHITE LIE CAKE

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of the ladies who bake for church events: Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the centre had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the centre of The cake. She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom. Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd , she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!" Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."

More Humor/Humour

MORE PUNS ETC.

Evidence has emerged that William Tell's family were avid bowlers. However, since a fire destroyed all the old Swiss league records, so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A man rushed into a doctor's clinic, shouting, "Help me! I think I'm shrinking!!" The receptionist calmly replied: "The doctor's busy. Please be a little patient!"

An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, he returned to check the chief's progress. The chief shrugged and said: "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

An Apache chief had three wives. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys, which proves that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws on the other two hides.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies, assisted by a tribal medicine man who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the bruja reassured him: "With fronds like these, who needs enemas?"

You have tomorrow to recover

More puns...

MAKES NO DIFFERENCE

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world.

Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," Ozymandias protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

In reply, Croesus softly began to sing: "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
--
Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher

http://jmm.aaa.net.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)

A FISHY STORY

A guy who lives at Lake Conroe (50 miles north of Houston), saw a ball bouncing around strangely in the lake, and went to investigate.

It turned out to be a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a basketball, which had become stuck in its mouth!!

The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive, but unable to because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface.

The guy tried numerous times to get the ball out but was unsuccessful.

He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate it and release the hungry catfish.

You probably wouldn't have believed this, if you hadn't seen the following pictures...







More fishy stories...

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEN WHILE FISHING

Two men are out fishing at their favourite fishing spot, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,

"You better think it over mate - women like that are hard to find."

--
Shalom/Salaam/Pax! Rowland Croucher
http://jmm.aaa.net.au/ (20,000 articles 4000 humor)
Blogs - http://rowlandsblogs.blogspot.com/

ONE-LINERS

"A Compendium Of Puntifications"

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

4. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

6. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became a hardened criminal.

9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

10. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

12. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

13. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

14. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.


More one-liners here

SCOTTISH DENTIST

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction.

"£85 for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"£85!!! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock £15 off.

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop to £40".

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "and it's going to be very traumatic, but I'll charge you £5."

"Ochh-man , now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman.

"Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

More humour...

AMSTERDAM KEEPY UPPY

IF ALLAH HAD CREATED ADAM AND EVE...

[CARTOON REMOVED: OBVIOUSLY THIS WAS OFFENSIVE TO PERSONS OF A PARTICULAR RELIGION, WHO MUST HAVE COMPLAINED TO GOOGLE, WHO PUT TWO 'HOLDS' ON THIS BLOG].

DEAR FRIENDS,

PLEASE COMMENT: IS THIS IN POOR TASTE, OR SHOULD HUMOUR/HUMOR/CARTOONS BE FREE TO TARGET BLONDES, CHRISTIANS, MUSLIMS... WHOEVER?

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT GIVING YOUR REASONS (NO SPAM OR ADVERTISING PLEASE). THANKS.

THE IRISH ARE SMART

These men are installing steel bollards to stop cars parking on the pavement outside an Irish sports bar.

How long do you think it will be before they realise?

THE CHASERS' APEC SKIT

NON-NEWTONIAN FLUID

See the Wikipedia article on the subject for more!

4,000 more funnies here

AIRLINE QUOTES

I've flown on North American airlines where such things - and better/worse - are said. Never the British, or European, or Australian, certainly not Asian...

Rowland.

¬¬¬

AIRLINE QUOTES:

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in- flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

******

On landing the stewardess said,

"Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

******

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."

******

"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

******

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:

"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

******

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,

"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

******

From a Southwest Airlines employee:

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

******

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."

******

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

******

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

******

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children...or other adults acting like children."

******

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

******

And from the pilot during his welcome message:

"Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

******

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,

"That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"

******

Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

******

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

******

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.

She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

******

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.

And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

******

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:

"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

******

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom:

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH, MY GOD!"

Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

More crazy humor here...

WHAT OLD PEOPLE DO FOR FUN!

FISHING IN NEW ZEALAND

MENSA

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa!

The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker.."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

A MECHANIC AND HIS DOG

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown.

One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day.

That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly, proclaiming...

(Are you ready for this?)

"A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!"

*****

Because you've been so patient, here's a nice picture for you:



===>>> 4000 MORE STUPID JOKES HERE

NAMELESS HURRICANE

Nameless Hurricane That Much More Terrifying

September 3, 2007

MIAMI—South Florida residents were overcome with fear, confusion, and an unnerving sense of dread Tuesday when they learned that an unidentified hurricane is heading for their area—its origin uncertain, its intentions unclear, and perhaps most frightening, its name unknown.

The vacant eye of the unnamed storm fixes its baleful stare on the Florida peninsula.

"Who is this hurricane?" said Miami resident Beverly Motolla, just one of hundreds of thousands of citizens struggling to put a human face on this impending tragedy. "Why is it here? What does it want from us?"

Such questions remain agonizingly unanswered, as the anonymous storm front shows no signs of slowing down or divulging its background. Lacking any reliable information on the character traits of the popularly dubbed "Hurricane That Shall Not Be Named," thousands have fled the area, hoping to escape its destructive winds, driving rain, and chilling impersonality.

"If this hurricane were a Wilma or a Frank, or even a Rebekah, I'd at least know what to expect—a storm system with a low pressure center, sustained winds above 119 miles per hour, high gusts, and severe inland flooding," said Stewart Tomlinson, a Miami-area police officer who plans to drive his family north to Georgia on Wednesday. "But I don't even know if this hurricane is a boy or a girl. And frankly, that scares me."

"I don't want this…thing…coming anywhere near me or my family," Tomlinson added.
Enlarge Image Nameless Hurricane Jump

Whatever the coming storm's true name, Floridians, like these evacuating Pompano Beach residents, are praying it will not exceed in severity the infamous Hurricane !!! of 1983.

Those who have decided to stay home and brave the imminent storm have reported incidents of raindrops rapping on their windowpanes with a sinister, relentless urgency; drops in barometric pressure so sudden they could freeze a man's soul; and, in the words of one Coral Springs body shop owner, "the kind of heartless devastation that could only be wreaked by an unfeeling tropical cyclone that doesn't even have the decency to introduce itself."

"I heard that the hurricane killed 620 Guatemalans last week in cold blood," Mark Barclay of Sweetwater said. "And that it didn't even care."

Though the hurricane is predicted to cause widespread destruction, many say it brings something even more dangerous than a 10-foot storm tide and rapidly contracting eyewall: the element of the unknown.

"You can tell a lot about a hurricane by its name—that's why they have names," Surfside resident Brenda Harrison said. "Mitch, strong and unpredictable. Katrina, devious and vengeful. Bob, good guy, just passing through. But this hurricane could be anything. It could be a gentle mist, or it could be the worst natural disaster in the history of mankind. It could strike anytime, and it could be anywhere…even right behind you. Also, what if it doesn't even have an eye?"
Nameless Hurricane Pullquot

"For the love of Jesus, at least just give us a first initial."

Kimberly Mellor,
Opa-locka, FL

"When the big hurricane struck Florida in 1998, I was scared until I found out its name was Earl," Panama City, FL citizen Sam Hewer said. "I went to high school with a guy named Earl. He was a little wild, but ultimately harmless. In fact, we used to make fun of him. So when the storm hit and destroyed my house, it didn't seem so bad. It was like, 'Oh, there goes Earl again.'"

As the storm approaches the coast, citizens have been speculating as to its identity. Many claim that the hurricane's erratic changes in course and spiral rainbands make it seem like a Dave. Still others suspect that it might be Hurricane Andrew in disguise, returning to finish what it started in 1992.

Also on Tuesday, the National Weather Service issued a statement in which it rejected calls to name the hurricane, describing such an action as "impossible."

"We've monitored, studied, and examined this hurricane in the two weeks since it appeared seemingly out of nowhere on our radar, and it simply has no name," NWS acting director Mary Glackin said. "If it had one, we'd be using it. It's not like we can just make up a name."

When asked if he could identify the storm, veteran WTVJ meteorologist Cal Valencia threw back his head and laughed scornfully.

"Fools! Be glad you don't know this hurricane's true name!" Valencia said. "It may be the sole mercy we are shown during this coming ordeal. Savor it! For in a day's time, you will be pining for your lost ignorance as a drowning man for oxygen."

One Miami-Dade citizen, however, has decided to take matters into his own hands.

"For my wife and children's sake, I've decided to tell them it's named Bradley," said Jackson Graham, a local carpenter who claims he cannot bear to tell his family the horrible truth. "Hurricane Bradley. God, I hope that doesn't make it angrier."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nameless_hurricane_that_much_more