Sunday, July 29, 2007
AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC
AUSTRALIA GETS DRUNK, WAKES UP IN NORTH ATLANTIC
Tired of Being Isolated and Ignored, Continent Isn't Bloody Moving
Sydney, 800 miles S. of Nova Scotia (SatireWire.com) — After what witnesses described as an all night blinder during which it kept droning on about how it was always being bloody ignored by the whole bloody world and would bloody well stand to do something about it, Australia this morning woke up to find itself in the middle of the North Atlantic. current location of australia
"Good Lord, that was a booze up," said a bleary-eyed Australian Prime Minister, John Howard, speaking from his residence at Kirribilli House, approximately 600 nautical miles east of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.
According to Australians and residents of several countries destroyed or lewdly insulted during the continent's nearly 7,000-mile saltwater stagger, the binge began just after noon yesterday at a pub in Brisbane, where several patrons were discussing Australia Day and the nation's general lack of respect from abroad.More here
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Saturday, July 28, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
ELEPHANT STORY
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from university. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through theChicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted it's front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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HANGING MAN
This is the latest art installation that graces the streets of Chicago. This one is called 'Man Hanging Out" which is installed off the roof of the administration building of Columbia College Chicago on 600 S. Michigan. This installation is a part of Chicago's Prague Days celebration and consists of a fiberglass replica of Sigmund Freud dangling from a steel beam. It is designed by the Czech artist, David Cerny. This has been exhibited off buildings in Berlin, Stockholm and London and will be hanging from the the CCC building till the end of August.
July 2007
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
FAMOUS QUOTES
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you
should have remained a virgin."
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. ~
Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me
the position.
Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields (this was paraphrased!)
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you.
Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty; but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
Billy Crystal
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should have remained a virgin."
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I
have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good
ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. ~
Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if
you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she
stops to breathe.
Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and
kindness, can be trained to do most things.
Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery.
Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me
the position.
Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for
my nap.
Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W.C. Fields (this was paraphrased!)
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will
avoid you.
Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty; but everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out.
Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
Billy Crystal
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OUR AMAZING UNIVERSE
Paste this URL into your browser for an amazing experience:
http://dingo.care2.com/cards/flash/5409/galaxy.swf
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
SAD NEWS
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 83.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in and ....... then the trouble started.
~~~
Shut up. You know it's funny.
Now send it on to someone else and make them smile.
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Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 83.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in and ....... then the trouble started.
~~~
Shut up. You know it's funny.
Now send it on to someone else and make them smile.
4000+ more funnies
Thursday, July 5, 2007
CROOKED HOUSE
The Crooked House was built in 2004 as an addition at a popular shopping center, and is a major tourist attraction in Sopot, Poland. We just wonder what happens when someone who's under a controlled substance sees this building for the first time in their life.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
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